When confidence turns into arrogance
I had a somewhat depressing experience yesterday. I was invited to a mixed Public School to run a session on preparing for Oxbridge interviews. I was really looking forward to it and the member of staff who invited me was excited about giving his pupils something extra that most school pu;pils are not taught. So I ran a session on overcoming anxiety and understanding how our beliefs affect our behaviour so that they became more aware of themselves and the way they communicate.
I am happy to say that the majority of students (about 40 young men and women) found it very interesting and useful and asked great questions. They were polite and engaging and were clearly going to practise what I had taught them.
But there were a few, interestingly only young men, who behaved in such a way that I can only guess that they either have so little awareness that they don’t realise how others see them or they have such high opinions of themselves that even basic manners are not necessary for them.
One young man in the group sat with his feet up on the back of the chair in front of him with a newspaper on his lap which he read or glanced at for much of the time I was there. It was obvious that I could see him doing it as, indeed could his tutor. I don’t care if I was taking a session on “watching paint dry”, his behaviour was simply rude. What exactly made him think it was ok?
I met a lot of very arrogant young men who were at Public School when I was at school, but that was in the early 80’s and we were all given the message that we were in the top 1% of the country and therefore could do anything. Well – life isn’t like that and the world does not owe anyone a living.
I really thought private education had moved on and, although clearly privileged, that sort of arrogance wasn’t as prevalent now. The teacher and I talked about it at length. He too found it an uphill struggle to help some of these young people find the balance between confidence and arrogance. It begins at home with learning good manners and being polite to whoever is infront of you.
The irony of course is that Oxbridge interviewers are looking for teachability, enthusiasm and openness to learning. Arrogance isn’t on their list.
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